What made me leave my fulltime job

I decided that I really wanted to become a fulltime freelancer around Christmas 2010. It all started when my boss sent around an email that said "we don't have official reviews this year, but if you're interested in sitting down with me, I encourage that.”

[Quick aside: I’m going to give my ex-boss a nickname based on his real nickname: we’ll call him Johnson]

Myself and a couple coworkers chuckled together over Johnson’s email. Who would voluntarily sit down with that guy, and invite him to tell us exactly what he thought of us? Johnson didn’t make any secret of his dislike for me, and what made it worse at times was that he could be really nice, but he could also swing wildly in the other direction and be very harsh and critical. A bit like a snake that could strike at any time. I truly got a nervous feeling in my stomach when he so much as Instant Messaged me, and actual conversations left me short of breath.

But there were reasons that I should sit down and talk with Johnson. I had made 2 special requests over the past 2 years, and nothing had happened with either of them. The first was, I wanted to work less on projects for HP. I wanted more variety in my life. I also wanted to be the “official” HP Brand Manager. As time went on, I fulfilled this role more and more, but was never recognized for it. Johnson had actually hinted before that he might give me more of a leadership role, but during my review, all he said was “we should talk more about that.” I was confused since I thought that would be a big topic of the review.

So after 2 years of expressing these hopes, I still worked exclusively on HP projects, which would have been ok, but I also had made no progress on the front of a title or promotion saying I was the HP Brand Manager. When Johnson mentioned a review, it all hit me. I hadn’t made any progress in the past 2 years. I was stuck, and what’s more, I didn’t receive any appreciation or recognition for the job I did. I was depressed to the core. The best word to describe how I felt was foolish. I felt foolish for letting the agency take my very best work and not reward me for it, allow me to do an extra job without title, and not listen to me when I said I needed variety. Oh, and I was sure I made far less money than other producers at the agency.

So there you have it. These are the things that pushed me into thinking, “I need to get out of here!” But it would take a few more months of planning, fretting, and weighing my options before I would do it…